Copyright © 2000 The Reference Point All rights reserved

Ending Pretending

 

Clearing the Windshield

It is important to clear your windshield, or allow yourself to clearly see what is going on. This can be very emotional, since most of us have put a tremendous amount of energy and time into not looking at unpleasant things. For example, it may be difficult to look at your situation at the office and allow yourself to see that you will never go anywhere, regardless of your excellent work, because the boss is not emotionally well enough to champion what is honest and true. If your boss's emotions are in balance only when he is engaged in a power struggle and wins, it is not possible to receive your just rewards. If one of your survival strategies is to disregard people when they are not playing fair because you would then have to face the fact that sometimes people are dirty and will sacrifice you for their own personal gains, you will keep chasing the "fantasy fruit." We all have places we have mocked up our own version of; we have all created what we want to see; we have all at one time or another put on a blindfold so as not to see the truth.

Continue to be gentle and patient with yourself as you work through this chapter. Remember: No judgment. What is, is. It is better to clearly see where you are - to own where you are, so to speak - and then deal with it by adjusting your strategy. You are not bad, stupid, nonobservant or otherwise impaired to have pretended something was what it was not.